whatawaytoburn: ([RTofD] Roadtrip icon!)
Notes: [personal profile] roadtripofthedamned-verse. I really need to determine what I am doing with these letters and snippets. Put them together, obviously but because they're broken up and so small, I feel odd doing it.

I'll....I don't know. Do something with them. I love the crew though, even if i still have little to no idea what the fuck I am doing with the plot other than 'They go on a road trip, they set free saints trapped in human shells. They make it to the Jamboreee, Winter gets a place to fit in'.



There are no guidebooks on how to mourn for yourself, there's no Chicken Soup For the Recently Deceased Soul.

There's no direction, no help, no nothing. You're left scrambling and scraping by, praying to whatever the fuck might be out there that you're doing things right and someone won't come and shoot you in the face because of what you are.

I thought being genderqueer was hard. This is worse.

I stole a book today, a blank notebook to write3 down,...whatever comes into my head. I'm probably going to lose it but I don't care. I feel like i need to write it down, work it out. Do something with the thoughts in my head, otherwise my brain is going to explode.

I need someone to tell me what to do, someone to tell me how to feel, because I am so, so lo9st right now. I'm confused and I'm tired and I'm dirty and I'm lost.

I go to sleep at night, wherever the hell I can find a place to sleep, and I have to tell myself that I am allowed to be here, that somewhere, Death isn't pitching a fit because I'm not in his hands anymore.

But then again, maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe Death doesn't give two shits about me and I'm giving myself too much credit. I don't even know.

All I know is that I'm confused, I'm scared, and as much as I don't want my story to end, I think it was supposed to in an alley not far away from here, with blood and pain and more hatred than I know what to do with.
whatawaytoburn: ([Pe[People]  Florence)
Notes Content warning, hatred, lots of hatred towards trans people and just people in general. In [personal profile] roadtripofthedamned-verse. This is not the letter that follows the previous one. I don't know where this one fits in.

Read more... )
whatawaytoburn: ([RTofD] Roadtrip icon!)
Note: In [personal profile] roadtripofthedamned-verse. Don't know where this fits in, don't knwo if it even does fit in but well, I neeeded to write something today, so yes.

I don't know if I'll ever understand the universe. I don't know if I'm supposed to. Maybe I'm not meant to, maybe the world is just supposed to be a big, giant, confusing place that no one really understands and no one ever will.

I don't know.

But I guess I understand pieces of it. I know what it's like to die, I know ha it's like to be in love and those are the imprant parts, right? Or some of them, anyway.

My name is Winter Lee, and this? Isn't written for you, whoever you are. I'm not writing this for anyone but myself. I'm trying to puzzle out the universe in these pages, understand why it does what it does. I know I probably won't, I know that the mysteries of the universe won't be revealed to me with my own words but it's worth trying, right? I mean, no one ever got anywhere unlessthey tried.

So this is me, putting my best foot forward and trying.

And if you happen to read this, whoever you are, let me know if you understand anything more than I do, because I'm willing to bet that even though I've met saints and the sinners who fought against thtem and I've met ghosts and angels and fae. I've literally danced with Death and kissed her cheek and showed the Lady of the Crossroads what it's like to make a choice, I'm still utterly clueless as to why the world does what it does.

And maybe I'll never die, maybe I'll never get the chance to ask the person who rocks the world to sleep why they do what they do, but I'll have tired to learn what the universe is doing and that's better than not trying anything at all.

With love and hope in mind,
- Winter
whatawaytoburn: ([Cityuverse] Love the city)
Someone please remind me that I do not have the time or the energy to go over Cityverse and Roadtrip right now. I am dead tired and am going to hate everything even if it doesn't deserve to be hated.

(Which it probably will but whatever).

I will not, I will not, I will not....

*goes to close tabs and find something else to do, damnit*
whatawaytoburn: ([writing]  Will write for coffee)
Progress
NaNo: 28,641
Ni90: 10,595
Other words: 14,284
Total words this month: 53,520

Randomness:
Caffeine: OH GOD, SO MUCH CAFFEINE.
Procrastination method of the day: Does traveling to California count as procrastinating? Cause I have been writing, I just...took a break. >> A break to go flying. Yeah, I don't know. XD
Music choices: Bells ringing. There are five cats around and all of them have bells on, plus my own. XD But besides that? The Magical Writing Playlist. One day i will possibly upload it, I am just lazy.

:D:D:D HIT 50K FUCK YESSSSS. This is a win, this is a total win. I'm still not winning on NaNo yet but still, I wrote 50k worth of words this month OLY CRAP!

yeah, I am kind of really thrilled about this, it makes me happy. :D:D:D

I will update on California tomorrow, I think, possibly later tonight if I am still awake but I am sleepy and lazy and want to curl up. We will see, we will see. But I defintiely want to show you guys the awesome masks [personal profile] avia made for us but I really do want to do an epic California post so yes.

Ho hum, ho hum. I just wanted to do a WC post before it got too late. So yes. Words. there have been them.
whatawaytoburn: ([Writing] Non functional)
Progress
NaNo: 28,641
Ni90: 10,595
Other words: 9,284
Total words this month: 48,520

Randomness:
Caffeine: Couple of cups. Not too much today. There's been a lot of filling up the coffee when it's half full though.
Procrastination method of the day: Everything
Music choices: The Pixie can't Sleep. Other things too but I have had that on repeat.

I have written:
NaNo
Modern!Nikola's backstory
Helen and the Autumn queen
A nice little story about Legend and History
Modernfic

I am only happy with one of these things (The story about Legend and History). I am at that point where I am just writing to write. I should probably stop but I am so close to 50K overall that I feel I have to keep going. After I hit it, i think I am going to take a couple days break and write small, pretty things on Tumbler for a day or two and then see how that goes.

'Cause honestly? I just....kind of feel like I hate everything. I would rather be reading other people's fics and stories than writing my own. I feel like it's a better way to spend my time becuase I have no business writing.

That is probably the need for sleep talking but whatever. I will be better and writing again tomorrow.
whatawaytoburn: ([Words] I deserve to enjoy life)
Progress
NaNo: 26,691
Ni90: 10,595
Other words: 6,326
Total words this month: 43,621

Randomness:
Caffeine: I'm not even sure. It's been a lot of coffee.
Procrastination method of the day: Lots of things. Stuff and thin sin fact. All the stuff and things. but I did get stuff written so woosh!
Music choices: Sanctuary? Why yes, Sanctuary. And other things. My big writing playlist of writingness but Sanctuary has been on for tonight. Even though I didn't write tonight

So I have not updated in a while because I have not written very much. Mreh. I am definitely in the week two slump but I am working on it! Hopefully now that we are at the end of week two, I will be out of said slump and be back in the writing mode. We will see. Even if I don't though, I have decided to eb proud of how far I've gotten and how may words I've managed to get in this amount of time.
whatawaytoburn: ([Words] Random sentences)
Progress
NaNo: 20,979
Ni90: 10,595
Other words: 5,052
Total words this month: 36,626

Randomness:
Caffeine: 3 cups of coffee, 2 Cokes and a caffeine pill. Yeah, I might have a problem, so what?
Procrastination method of the day: DO breakdowns count as procrastination? EVERYTHING.
Music choices: A whole bunch of stuff, though I did focus a lot on Irish rock again.

So, here we are at week two and if I was counting my total amount of words this month, I would be SO CLOSE to finishing. But alas, I am not. Still, I am impressed with my word total and that is kind of nice.

What's not kind of nice is that I am having doubts about Is and Winter as main characters. I don't know if they should be the ones telling the story. I'm moreokay wtih Winter than I am with Is but just....Hi, these are the doubts I stat getting. I don't hate the stories themselves yet but that's becuase i've broken myself from looking back on things. I know there are a TON of mistakes in them but just...Yeah. I will wokr on that stuff later.

for now, I am just going to keep plugging along and hoping that I feel better about everyone tomorrow.
whatawaytoburn: ([Misc] Alone)
Progress
NaNo: 16,759
Ni90: 9,342
Other words: 3,008
Total words this month: 29,109

Randomness:
Caffeine: 5 cups of coffee and 2 Cokes.
Procrastination method of the day: DO breakdowns count as procrastination? I don't think they do.
Music choices: Lots of industrial on River.

Oh god, today is fired. Today is so fired. I am glad it's over. I feel better than I felt before I took a nap later in the night but I still feel relatively shit now that I've been up for a while. I* did get all of my words though which is all that matters, so fuck yeah on that.

Now I am...going to see if I can sleep and, if not, then curl up with a book for a while.
whatawaytoburn: ([Writing] Non functional)
Progress
NaNo: 14,683
Ni90: 6,615
Other words: 3,008
Total words this month: 24,306

Randomness:
Caffeine: 3 cups of coffee and 2 Cokes.
Procrastination method of the day: A little bit of everything. I ad kind of all over the place..
Music choices: Quickmix on Pandora.

Wrote more Nikola Tesla/Henry Jekyll today along with my NaNo/Ni90. I keep meaning to switch over to my *actual* backup projects but that just does not seem like it is going to happen. I also wrote a crack short thing that involved modern era!college AU Five because it makes me happy. I don't know why else.

I have a write-in tomorrow where hopefully I will get words in but, if i don't, I am still ahead, so that is okay. I am going to try and get a little more ahead tomorrow night just in case but I don't know if it is going to happen, as I am at the part of the Road Trip story I know NOTHING about. Not that I knew a lot about City exactly but I know the general gist of City whereas with Road Trip, I am going to be pulling out my Tarot cards soon and having them direct the story.

I kind of wanted to stay up and do more writing than what I got today but I am getting really fuzzyheaded and I think I am going to put on a movie or something and just curl up for a while. I dont know. We will see. I wish I had S3 of Sanctuary, cause I would put that on right now.
whatawaytoburn: ([Misc] In the night)
Progress
NaNo: 12,821
Ni90: 5,293
Other words: 1,158
Total words this month: 19,272

Randomness:
Caffeine: 2 cups of coffee.
Procrastination method of the day: There wasn't really much procrastinating today. I talked with people a little bit in between sprints but otherwise i was pretty good.
Music choices: Quickmix on Pandora because iTunes was being stupid and I don't know what to do about it. *sigh*OF MUSICS.

Wrote ALL THE THINGS today. All of them. I am proud of me. I might have done this becuase I think I am getting sick but y'know, whatever. I did what I have to do. I don't care.

came out to my psych doctor and that went well which is a very nice thing. And she knew about polyamory! It made me super happy and she thinks Morgan and I are Doin' It Right which, I know I shouldn't need validation but considering my mother things it's just horrible and wrong, makes me really, really happy.

I tried to go hang out at Panera but I got a bad table and I just...was really twitchy going there, so I dind't wind up staying. I need to see if I can find a spot that I cna camp out in that is not the house though, as I would like to write in places that well, are not the house. I may try the sports ba ina couple of days and see how that works. I wish I lived near other places.
whatawaytoburn: ([Writing] Non functional)
Progress
NaNo: 9,118
Ni90: 3,497
Other words: 0
Total words this month: 12,615

Randomness:
Caffeine: 4 1/2 cups of coffee.
Procrastination method of the day: Plurk, journaling sites, podcasts, chasing my dog and sleeping.
Music choices: My very small writing playlist. But it got the job done, so I don't care. I need to build it up more but I kind of stumble onto the songs, rather than am able to pick the out from my MASSIVE COLLECTION OF MUSICS.

I got my words in relatively early today and if my brain had not stated to fuck up, I probably could have gotten more. I just....no, my brain stopped working right and I gave in. I'm going to go out tomorrow and see if I can maybe get more words out if I'm at Panera and blasting my music or something. We will see.

I keep feeling bad that my Ni90 doesn't have nearly as many words as my NaNo but then I keep telling myself that its OKAY. That it is the point and I have more than what I actually nejed for Ni90, my brain is just determined to try and stress me out until I cry. *facepalms*

I have a psych doctor appointment tomorrow, so I don;t know how that is going to jive with my writing. Between that and probably doing the most writing on Anthea, assuming I go out, it will be interesting to see if it makes any sort of a difference. I'm hoping it makes a
whatawaytoburn: (Default)
Progress
NaNo: 7,045
Ni90: 2,461
Other words: 0
Total words this month: 9,506

Randomness:
Caffeine: 5 cups of coffee.
Procrastination method of the day: Plurk, journaling sites and podcasts.
Music choices: Road Trip got written to a lot of Celtic rock music and Citverse got written to the almighty shuffle.

Oh today. I am just so ready for today to be over. I've been emotionally all over the place, my family pissed me off royally, my body decided to say fuck all and stop working right and it's just been a hell of a day. I got all my words though and for that, I am fucking proud.
whatawaytoburn: ([Writing]  At work)
Progress
NaNo: 4,686
Ni90: 1,028
Other words: 0
Total words this month: 5,714

Randomness:
Caffeine: 3 cups of coffee, a half a cup of tea.
Procrastination method of the day: Other people! Oh, ohter people, you are horribly distracting indeed.
Music choices: More Halloween music. There were some musicals but it mostly stayed on the creepy playlist for the day.

So, I didn't do much writing during the day. I know that I should have done more but I was so tired and out of it that it just did not happen. And when I thought I would get writing done at the write-in, it...did not happen. I had a good time but there was little writing to be had.

I'm going to another write-in on Sunday in which i expect there will be proper words acquired but we will see.

I have started my Ni0- which is a good thing. I kind of hate it right now but I am going to try and push past that and hope to everything that it does not leave me wanting to cry and curl up like what happened last year. We will see, I suppose. Mrrrg.
whatawaytoburn: ([Writing] Epilogue)
Progress
NaNo: 4,686:
Ni90: 0
Other words: 0
Total words this month: 4,686

Randomness:
Cups of coffee: 1 and 1/2
Procrastination method of the day: Plurk and DW
Music choices: Halloween music and Jekyll and Hyde. There was a little Florence and the Machine and Carbon Leaf in there too.

I am telling my story in twi different POVs and I did not know I was going to be doing that until I got to the point where it split off into the vlog portion of the story. I am oakyw with this though, as it did help me get my words, so y'know,t hat's cool. I just would have also like dot have know.

I also found out that not one but two of my characters don't actually fall into the gender binary. *shakes head* Guys This is the stuff you tell so I don't misgender you. I need to go adjust Sid's info in the cast list but I am lazy and will do it tomorrow.

I a going to start on Cityverse tomorrow hen I go to the write-in.

Now I get to try and...wind down.; This should be interesting.

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Screaming loud enough to turn back the wind.

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