whatawaytoburn: (Default)
Still alive. It's been....an interesting few days. Not great, not functioning really but I have had people in my life who make it so much better.

The internet is not a great place for me to be right now, I don't know. It makes m y brain ache and I start stressing out over everything I am supposed to be doing. I just wish I could have Morgan and Skittles and be happy.

On the other hand, we went on adventure today and a low speed car chase yesterday. So yeah, not everything is bad. Oh, and candy. Al the candy.
whatawaytoburn: ([WC] No longer moving)
Confession: It was a bad day yesterday.

Confession: I took more pills than I was supposed to yesterday.

Confession: I still woke up this morning still feeling bad.

Confession: I am going to lie and smile and pretend that it wasn't that bad a day, even if it was.

What's a confession you have in your head waiting to get out. Something small or something big. May it be a murder or may be it a mishap that took place, just something Let me know I'm not the only one to confess to something.

Anon commenting is on//IP logging is off.
whatawaytoburn: ([Sherlock] Shutting out the world)
So, 've been really anti-social lately and I think it's possibly going to stay that way. I'm working on being more chatty and so on it's just...not quite working. My brain is tired, my body is tired. Nothing is really working quite right.

I've been on a really bad downswing and I'm working on it, it's just...Yeah. *vaguely gestures* I think I came back from California and crashed. I get Morgan this weekend, so hopefully I will be better after seeing them, we will see.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that becuase I have comments that I need to respond to, I ust don't know that I am going to get around to doing so.
whatawaytoburn: ([Angels] Broken)
For those of you who didn't deal with me last night, be happy. I was a sobbing mess who was hallucinating vaguely paranoid and a control freak.

It's left me feeling pretty shitty.

So, can you remind me that I don't suck? I know it's a tall order, I know that i shouldn't be doing this during the holidays but I kind of need the reminder. I almost went to the hospital last night and the only reason I didn't was because I knew they wouldn't do anything. I was very close to taking lots of pills when I shouldn't be but my wonderful partner [personal profile] thatrainbow and my headmates kept me safe.

I just need help shaking off the utter and complete tail I have for getting to that point now.

So say something nice? Leave a compliment? Be anon if you'd like, I do not mind. Just....Yeah.
whatawaytoburn: ([Misc] Alone)
NaNo: 16,759
Ni90: 9,342
Other words: 3,008
Total words this month: 29,109

Caffeine: 5 cups of coffee and 2 Cokes.
Procrastination method of the day: DO breakdowns count as procrastination? I don't think they do.
Music choices: Lots of industrial on River.

Oh god, today is fired. Today is so fired. I am glad it's over. I feel better than I felt before I took a nap later in the night but I still feel relatively shit now that I've been up for a while. I* did get all of my words though which is all that matters, so fuck yeah on that.

Now I am...going to see if I can sleep and, if not, then curl up with a book for a while.
whatawaytoburn: ([Writing] Non functional)
NaNo: 9,118
Ni90: 3,497
Other words: 0
Total words this month: 12,615

Caffeine: 4 1/2 cups of coffee.
Procrastination method of the day: Plurk, journaling sites, podcasts, chasing my dog and sleeping.
Music choices: My very small writing playlist. But it got the job done, so I don't care. I need to build it up more but I kind of stumble onto the songs, rather than am able to pick the out from my MASSIVE COLLECTION OF MUSICS.

I got my words in relatively early today and if my brain had not stated to fuck up, I probably could have gotten more. I just....no, my brain stopped working right and I gave in. I'm going to go out tomorrow and see if I can maybe get more words out if I'm at Panera and blasting my music or something. We will see.

I keep feeling bad that my Ni90 doesn't have nearly as many words as my NaNo but then I keep telling myself that its OKAY. That it is the point and I have more than what I actually nejed for Ni90, my brain is just determined to try and stress me out until I cry. *facepalms*

I have a psych doctor appointment tomorrow, so I don;t know how that is going to jive with my writing. Between that and probably doing the most writing on Anthea, assuming I go out, it will be interesting to see if it makes any sort of a difference. I'm hoping it makes a
whatawaytoburn: ([Firefly[ Dreaming of loss)
So, I'm pretty sure I got scammed.

It makes me feel sick and sad and stupid and I thought it wouldn't get to me but it really kind of is and it makes me just want to g9o crawl under my covers and sleep forever.

Details, if you're wondering how stupid one person can be. )
whatawaytoburn: ([Drinks] Absinthe/Sangria)
So I keep meaning to make a journal entry but there's no way for me to manage that and to whine and I'm tired of doing that.

It's been a long and bad week, even though there were some good things involved. I'm glad it's over.

Been trying really hard to not let the headmates just do everything that isn't computer related but I caved yesterday and let Sangria take care of some shopping that needed to get done and a party. I still managed to freak out so badly that I made her sick and she managed to accidnetly get high off of the pills my mother gave her.

Yeah, I was a wreck yesterday. Luckily she was not. And that's not even including the several hour long trip back to the house that they had to go through. By that point I was just not really functioning much.

I have stuff to do tomorrow but I'm talking to the others and seeing who can do it for me. It's social security and more shopping. Stuff that I should probably do but know I'm not functiona enough for.

My mother's been especially horrible this week which you know, doesn't help. If I get told one more time that nobody loves, not my friends, not my partner, not my extended family, but my mother and my aunt, I'm going to just lose it.

Yeah, can you see why it's been tiring?

Anyway, I suppose this has been an update and it's not as whiny as my other attempts at starting them are, so yay on that.

I am going to just hide in tags and maybe writing. I would like to hide in writing, I just don't know if I'll get that lucky.
whatawaytoburn: ([Alex] Get through this)
So, I've been kind of MIA for the last few days. That would be because I had to go to the psych ward for a little while.

Saturday night my brain stopped working correctly and it continued on until Monday, going from okay to not really quickly. On Monday, I was pretty sure I would do something that I would regret later, so I wound up in the hospital.

I met some sweet people there, got a guy's phone number and passed mine on to a lovely woman who I hope to see again. I'm glad I'm home though and I missed my various freedoms more than I can say.

I feel like I should be able to say more on all this but I've had to spend the last four days talking about my mental state, I'm not really up for doing that now.

So, onto happy things.

I got my origific bingo card! )

I'm not sure how I'm going to tackle things just yet but I think there is going to be a lot of City and Spicefic (not that such a thing is a shock) and I wanna try and do some Indulgence stuff too. I'll shoot for other verses but yeah. But who knows, things might not fall that way.

Good things in my life at this moment:
- My girlfriend
- Cinnamon buns
- Coffee
- The internet
- my own bed
- my own living space
- Writing brain
- My cat
- The fact that I can go to sleep whenever I'd like.
- Music

And there are other things but I'll stop before I list off everything I didn't have at the hospital.
whatawaytoburn: (Default)
I've failed at updating recently but I am going to try and get back into the swing of it. I really want to try and update once a day as a personal log of what's going on because I know my memory is fail and I'd really like to have something to look back on.

Sol yes, updating every day should happen.

We're going out to buy knitting needles later. Sofu plans on teaching me how to do that tonight. I have no complaints since, at the moment, I can't really do anything else with beading. My aunt is doing her best when it comes to getting materials together but there's so much stuff she needs to clear out of the house that she's just finding hte stuff in bits and pieces.

I've gone online though and gathered up tutorials so I'm pleased about that. Hopefully I'll get the actual supplies in the next few weeks and I can start working on that properly.

Group has been kind of stressful simply because my mental state has not been the greatest. I went yesterday and couldn't manage to stay the entire time because my anxiety kicked in. That...was not thrilling. I wound up walking around the place just waiting to go home and then I didn't mange to get back until about an hour afterward. It was just not the best day.

Today I had to get up and go to a psychologist. I don't mind him, he seems like he'll be vaguely useful and I go back in two weeks. I also see my psychiatrist this next Tuesday and that's not a terrible thing. The meds are doing okay, I'm just sleeping a lot. I went to bed before twelve last night, slept until about seven this morning, came home at ten and then slept until two and I could still take a nap. I know that I need to wait for my body to adjust to the me ds, it's just irritating because my motivation to do things gets switched over to wanting to do nothing but sleep.

And that was a lot of rambling. Sorry. I am going to get some coffee, hop in the shower and then try and tackle my tags before I need to take my drugs for the night. *crosses fingers and hopes for good brain function*

Writing meme day five, six and seven )
whatawaytoburn: (Misc: Writing)
This weekend has been made of suck. I am glad to say that it is over. I'm going into group tomorrow and having a long talk with the counselor there. I don't really want to but I think I kind of really need to.

Besides having suck, I got food,, looked at places to live and....no, that's about it. We saw a lot of apartments though I honestly didn't pay attention.

I've been talking to my mother about living arrangements though! I may wind up living on my own before January and that is rather pleasing. I'm not positive it's going to happen but it's being discussed which was better than what was happening before now.

I should go to bed. I need to be up in six hours. I'm just not quite in the mood to sleep. I will probably try anyway, just because I need to have a straight head when talking to the people tomorrow.

Writing meme day four )
whatawaytoburn: (DW: Eight smiles)
So, this week has not been the greatest so far. It's not been the worst but between having gotten kicked out of our mall for trying to do the questions, some financial issues and knowing that my mother will be, well, my other over it, I'm sort of waiting for the week to be over.

Anyway, I wasn't planning to do this meme but the name of it made me smile and the subject line in the entry sort of sealed the deal.

Be Excellent to Each Other - My Thread

And because I think it's probably not a bad thing to do, a list of things that, despite this week, make me happy.
- Alex.
- Coffee
- Sanctuary
- My desk
- Sex books
- The bookmark I found in one of the sex books
- Having food in the house
- Having the ability to write
- Music from my childhood
- Knowing that we do not have to move next month
whatawaytoburn: (Default)
So, despite all my best efforts, I cannot seem to manage to get warm or awake. I don't think I would really even mind if it weren't for the fact that I can't bring the Master to bed with me.

What I would do is try and be productive. I have a few different things that ought to at least start getting poked at today and just have...not. However, instead I am considering getting up, getting a brownie and curling up under the covers again.

Why Sunday? Why have you eaten up my ability to function? I blame you. And the Time Lords but for once, I really don't see this being their fault. Still, I blame them because I can.

Right brownies and then venturing into the wide world of trying to get something done. Here's to hoping at least half of that gets accomplished.
whatawaytoburn: (Default)
Day was okay, night kinda went downhill after my grandmother refused to go home and our car wouldn't start (in that order, i might add) so here, have a meme!

Describe me one of my characters in one word.....just one single word. Post it in my comment section. Then put the same request in your journal so we can visit you and do the same thing and see how many strange and interesting things they say about you.

I mean you could technically do me too if you'd really like but I figure this is more entertaining.

And now I'm going to make tea and clean.


whatawaytoburn: (Default)
Screaming loud enough to turn back the wind.

August 2012

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