May. 1st, 2012

whatawaytoburn: ([Writing] Non functional)
I wrote 15,021 words last month! It's not amazing by any standard but hell, it's better than not writing at all, right?

Also, for anyone who might be wondering, I am functioning better than I was earlier. Not great by any standard but I can think and I'm not near/in tears anymore, so that's definitely a plus.
whatawaytoburn: ([People] Aurora watching)
You can't sleep and you don't know why.

You lay in bed, your eyes half-closed. Your body is relaxed but your mind is racing. There's a fear you don't understand, a feeling of being hunted, of skittering around corners and tearing through the world trying to get away.

Because something is after you.

Something wants you.

You can't explain it and it's making your chest get tight, your heart pounding hard with anxiety. Your body isn't relaxed anymore, it's frightened. It wants to run because running might mean you're safe, running might just mean you survive.

But it's nothing, right? It's just your mind.

Maybe. You can't be sure, you can't know because looking around is too frightening and trying to ignore it is absolutely impossible.

So you lay there, half scared out of your mind and praying nothing finds you.

And when you do fall asleep, when you can't keep your eyes open anymore, no matter how scared you are, you dream of running, you dream of dark forests and what it's like to be prey.
whatawaytoburn: ([RTofD] Roadtrip icon!)
Note: In [personal profile] roadtripofthedamned-verse. Don't know where this fits in, don't knwo if it even does fit in but well, I neeeded to write something today, so yes.

I don't know if I'll ever understand the universe. I don't know if I'm supposed to. Maybe I'm not meant to, maybe the world is just supposed to be a big, giant, confusing place that no one really understands and no one ever will.

I don't know.

But I guess I understand pieces of it. I know what it's like to die, I know ha it's like to be in love and those are the imprant parts, right? Or some of them, anyway.

My name is Winter Lee, and this? Isn't written for you, whoever you are. I'm not writing this for anyone but myself. I'm trying to puzzle out the universe in these pages, understand why it does what it does. I know I probably won't, I know that the mysteries of the universe won't be revealed to me with my own words but it's worth trying, right? I mean, no one ever got anywhere unlessthey tried.

So this is me, putting my best foot forward and trying.

And if you happen to read this, whoever you are, let me know if you understand anything more than I do, because I'm willing to bet that even though I've met saints and the sinners who fought against thtem and I've met ghosts and angels and fae. I've literally danced with Death and kissed her cheek and showed the Lady of the Crossroads what it's like to make a choice, I'm still utterly clueless as to why the world does what it does.

And maybe I'll never die, maybe I'll never get the chance to ask the person who rocks the world to sleep why they do what they do, but I'll have tired to learn what the universe is doing and that's better than not trying anything at all.

With love and hope in mind,
- Winter

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Screaming loud enough to turn back the wind.

August 2012

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